Campy Classroom Classics V02
Mental Health (b&w), Manners in Public (color), Making the Most of School (b&w), Appreciating Our Parents (b&w), The ABC's of Babysitting (b&w), Don't Be Afraid (b&w), Your School Safety Patrol (b&w), Judy's Smile (color), The Dangerous Stranger (SID DAVIS, color)
Pay attention, no talking, take notes. Here's VOLUME 2 of our Campy Classroom Classics... and it just might save your life! Mental Health (b&w): Dr. Gibbs informs us that at least 2 of his graduating class of 40 will be spending quality time in a mental asylum! Why? They underestimated the power of Mental Health by bottling up their emotions! The more you talk about your problems, the easier they are to solve! So grab the nearest ear and let your emotional cargo run wild before they lock you up too! Manners in Public (color): Didn't you know that elevators require very special manners? Neither did Barbara, and even her best friend accuses her of being rude and running around like a nitty. Unless you have your Bus Manners, Store Manners, and Theatre Manners down stone cold, the world will reject you too! Making the Most of School (b&w):If you want to feel good about yourself, you'd better get your scholastic act together. Hell, look at Andy and Sarah. They've not only finished their required study, but have actually moved on to the next chapter! Don't you want to be like Andy and Sarah? Appreciating Our Parents (b&w): This is the story of a boy named Tommy and the things his Mother and Father do for him. Tommy left his room a mess, but now everything is clean and straight. How do you suppose this happened? Etc., etc.... The ABC's of Babysitting (b&w): It's not advisable to mix business and pleasure. Avoid perverted phone calls, pill-swallowing kids, and over-sexed boyfriends. If you do survive the night, make sure you get paid. And whatever you do, don't raid the refrigerator! Another classic from SID DAVIS, the Master of Social Disaster! Don't Be Afraid (b&w): Fear is natural. It's nothing to be ashamed of. It's actually nature's way of reminding us to be careful. Bacon fat fires, public speaking, climbing drainpipes... don't worry. Be it lethal or psychological trauma, don't be a 'fraidy cat even if you know for a fact there's a monster under your bed. Your School Safety Patrol (b&w): The School Safety Patrol spend countless hours practicing and honing their skills. Their job? Helping kids cross the street. Unbelievably complicated though it is, the hardest part of the job is remembering you are not a Policeman. Don't try and stop cars on the street. Oh... thanks. Judy's Smile (color): Just when you thought you'd seen it all, up waltzes a duo of talking toothbrushes, Mr. Morning Toothbrush and Mrs. Evening Toothbrush, and all they do is worry about Judy taking care of her pearly whites. Helpful hints include never put money or marbles in your mouth, and don't stand behind the batter! More entertaining than you could possibly imagine. The Dangerous Stranger (SID DAVIS, color): Detective Jones of the LAPD tells the story of little Debbie Vincent, who went off with A Stranger and was never seen again! Perverts dwell in movie theaters, back alleys, and parks. Known lures include baseball cards, candy, and compliments. Never hitchhike and don't trust old men with dodgy moustaches. Scary Ed
Code: SW7428 Genre: MQH Genre2: CQS Retail: $15.00

Campy Classroom Classics V03
cts of Courtesy (b&w), The Walk to School (color), Care of the Skin (b&w), On Our Own (Sid Davis, color), Adventures on an Outboard (color), Which Way? (color), Getting Along with Others (color)
As if childhood wasn't complicated enough, this third VOLUME of Classroom Classics is gleefully guaranteed to make things even worse... Acts of Courtesy (b&w): Centron prided itself in producing uncompromising Polaroids of troubled youths. This film is no exception. The rockbottom budget lends a touch of surrealism to the lessons in courtesy presented here, which range from shouting to internalizing problems. Best scene: a group of young boys can't decide where to have their picnic so they yell at each other for five minutes. Director HERK HARVEY went on to make the low-budget horror classic Carnival of Souls (1962). Scary says: Carnival of courtesy! The Walk to School (color): Johnny walks to school. The catch? Our narrator sings his dialogue. Example: Walking to school, doo-do-do, walking to school, doo-do-do... Johnny observes baby robins, train tracks, and the giant candy cane outside the barber's shop. Imagine eating a candy that big? Alas, the songs end when Johnny gets to school and he recounts his fascinating odyssey to the teacher. Scary says: All singing, no dancing (natch)! Care of the Skin (b&w): In which we're treated to gratuitous animation of sweat glands and skin pores, disgusting footage of children that make the Elephant Man look like the Noxema girl, and three of the worst child actors ever to grace an educational film. You have been warned. Scary says: Skin. And lots of it! On Our Own (Sid Davis, color): Your day should be like the astronaut's, chock-full of good judgment and taking responsibility for yourself and others. And Bob does just that, cautiously walking his little bro to school like the kid was precious cargo. Later Bob deflects potentially dangerous situations by explaining to his younger sibling that throwing rocks is very wrong and later telling his pals not to play in the street. Scary says: What a frickin' kill-joy! Adventures on an Outboard (color): A strange tale of a boy obsessed with a boat. He communicates with a small wooden sailor who's actually a better actor than his goofy parents. Loads of domestic disputes and great boating sequences make this an educational film to cherish. Scary says: Arr matey, camp to the starboard bow! Which Way? (color): Geography is today's lesson, and you better be ready because it's very complicated. Perhaps Coronet sought to make a mountain out of a molehill; perhaps the streets of 1950's suburbia were this labyrinthine in design... Whatever, just kick back and let the narrator's silky voice guide you round the neighborhood. Scary says: Coronet films boiled down to a compromise between real life and life as it ought to be! (Actually, director TED PESHAK said that, not Mr. Scary.) Getting Along with Others (color): Our monotonic narrator informs us that getting along with others is very important. His suggestion? Compromise. Did films like these help create a generation of spineless yes-men? You decide. Scary says: Getting along with others is highly overrated! Scary Ed
Code: SW7429 Genre: MQH Genre2: CQS Retail: $15.00

Campy Classroom Classics V04
Taking Care of Things (color), George's New Suit (color), Watch Out for Poisons! (color), The Battery (color), Litterbug (color), Joan Avoids a Cold (b&w), Telephone for Help(color), The Wise Use of Credit (color), Why Clean Your Teeth (b&w)
Yes, you can easily turn a maladjusted child into a normal healthy adult if, and only if, he watches these Campy Classroom Scare Films and follows every rule... Taking Care of Things (color): This is the story of Andy and his things. Poor Andy has lost his pencil. Then he comes home to find his pet tadpoles dead, his special present missing, and his toy jet broken. Why did all this bad stuff happen to Andy? Scary says: Three guesses! George's New Suit (color): George gets some new clothes in the mail and asks, Where did it all come from? We're then shown the genesis of George's new suit, starting with the sheep that provided the wool right up to the Asians that operated the pressing machines. Scary says: A Scare Film sweetie! Watch Out for Poisons! (color): Ultra-cheap-looking puppets deal with the deadly world of poisons. Possibly the cheapest looking film ever made. Scary says: Please don't hate us! The Battery (color): Another befuddling epic that will make you scream I don't believe it! We see cave-men and women banging each other over the head while the narrator talks about the history of the battery. And what a history! We see Romans, Arabs, Knights, Merlin, Cowboys, and Gangsters. Is it funny? No, but it's full of rockbottom budget sets and pretty girls that look drunk. We are not kidding. Scary says, The Battery. Crazy. Very. Is. Litterbug (color): On the way to school, litterbug Tom makes a mess with orange peels and napkins. Once at school, Tom's teacher whips out a 16mm projector and shows the class a film about a nice black family that cleans up the mess they leave behind, and a beach covered in broken glass. After the film, Tom decides to change his bad habits. Scary says: More proof that 16mm scare films actually worked! Joan Avoids a Cold (b&w): Joan catches a cold and ends up infecting everyone. The rest of the film is spent scare-mongering about the cold virus and how easy it is to infect others. In fact, this film makes colds look worse than ebola. Scary says: If people followed this film no one would ever leave their home! Telephone for Help(color): A woman hanging curtains falls off a step. Luckily, her son phones for help. The narrator criticizes the boy for taking too long. In emergency #2, a little girl who notices her garage on fire is quicker and more efficient on the phone. See, isn't it easy? Scary says: Phone skills for those funny 911 moments! The Wise Use of Credit (color): Mr. Money, a grinning, happy ol' codger, has a little box that educates confused teens in the ways of credit using crude animation. This film is more confusing than filling out a tax return. Best bit: Julie watches as Jack gets confused and then asks, Mr. Money, do girls have to learn this stuff too? Scary says: Mr. Money can stick it where the sun don't shine! Why Clean Your Teeth (b&w): Why? Well, when movies like this show close-ups of decaying black teeth what else can you really do? Just as horrible as being in the Dentist's office without actually being in the Dentist's office. Scary says: Is it over yet? Scary Ed
Code: SW7430 Genre: MQH Genre2: CQS Retail: $15.00

NEW! Campy Classroom Classics V05
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Code: SW7655 Genre: MQH Genre2: CQS Retail: $15.00

NEW! Campy Classroom Classics V06
Rules and Laws, Otto the Auto: Squeaky and His Playmates, Otto the Auto: Peter the Pigeon, The Talking Car, What's So Important About The Wheel?, Being Different, How Far, How To Prepare A Class Report, We Go To School, Otto the Auto: Timothy the Turtle, Otto the Auto: Billy's New Tricycle, Sleep For Health
As if kids don't already find the world complicated enough, this 6th volume of Campy Classroom Classics seeks to make things even worse.... Rules and Laws (b&w): An overly-involved dad explains to his annoying kids why there are so many goddamn rules. When the brats debate whether or not to play in the street, Dad twists their squabbling to suit his own agenda of ranting about traffic jams, flooding, and factory pollution! Gosh, Dad's fun. Otto the Auto: Squeaky and His Playmates (b&w): Triple AAA cartoon finds Squeaky the Squirrel bummed when he can't find any human playmates at the playground. He and Otto the Auto - who talks and wears a little hat - search for the little bastards only to be horrified by a new girl telling kids to play in the streets! Otto the Auto: Peter the Pigeon (b&w): A sombrero-wearing sky rat freaks when he sees kids walking on the wrong side of the road. Otto quickly corrects them and points to some country bumpkins who already know how to walk on the left. They even have a little song about it and gleefully chant their superiority to the others. The Talking Car (color): Yipes! As if Otto wasn't scary enough, Jack, Mary and Rags are stalked by a red vehicle with eyes and mouth who spouts safety tips at them and makes auto-related puns! Oddly, the kids do not seem at all surprised by this, and eagerly share traffic-related anecdotes with their bizarre new friend. What's So Important About The Wheel? (color): Wheels are fun! Wheels make work easier! Wheels help us go places! Wheeeeeeeeee! We love wheels! Being Different (b&w): Nature Boy George is torn between wanting to join the school's Butterfly Club (!) and... well... having friends. How Far (color): A family trip becomes a Ride in Hell when Mom and Dad make the kids calculate the distance they are traveling. Too bad the kids aren't armed. How To Prepare A Class Report (b&w): Dan has to write a class paper about an occupation and chooses The Farm when he's inspired by a pair of curtains. He even goes to a real farm where he performs chores and takes pictures of pigs. Talk about over-achievement! Personally, we hope he gets an F. We Go To School (b&w): In his first day at a new school, Jimmy's teacher shows the class a movie about counting chickens - Whoa! A classroom film in a classroom film in a classroom-film compilation! Yikes! Jimmy then makes new friends by not being a show-off and, more importantly, sharing his marbles. Otto the Auto: Timothy the Turtle (b&w): Betty, Jack, and Timothy the Turtle go to a toy store where Timothy becomes extremely excited by a bunch of toy turtles... until Betty runs him over with a toy car. Otto the Auto: Billy's New Tricycle (b&w): Billy is totally out of control on his new tricycle until Otto drags him to a playground where the little hooligan is taught proper bike behavior by some older and more threatening cartoon kids. Sleep For Health (b&w): Because George stays up late and doesn't get enough sleep, he's a cranky, irritable monster the next day. We suggest having him swallow some friendly sleeping pills. Lots and lots and lots of them.... Miss Busy Bea
Code: SW7656 Genre: MQH Genre2: CQS Retail: $15.00

NEW! Campy Classroom Classics V07
Safely To School, Our Foster Mother, The Cow, Mother Mack's Puppies, Sailing a Toy Boat, The School Bus & You, Magnetism, Our Fire Exit Drill, Family Teamwork, The Goof
Animals rule this 7th volume of Campy Classroom Classics. Why? Because kids love animals and we love kids... as long as they obey The Rules! Safely To School (color): It's little Janie's first day of kindergarten and up to Mom and third-grader Fred to navigate her safely to school. Unlike most of these whitebread, small-town tales, this one takes place in a busy suburban setting where potential danger and death lurk behind every hedge, alley, and curve! Our Foster Mother, The Cow (color): A tribute to The Cow that plays like a dairyman's dream come true. In fact, it's so loving that it's almost like a bovine porno. But let's face it: cows are the greatest living creatures that ever existed, and each is described like a contestant in a beauty pageant! Best taken with milk. Mother Mack's Puppies (color): More mommy / baby bonding issues abound when Don and Doug pimp out Mother Mack's pooches to the various neighbors. There's even some doggy S&M when one of them thinks, I would like you to be my Mistress. Down, boy, down! Sailing a Toy Boat (color): A hilariously monotone narrator (who sounds like he gulped one too many downers) gives a blow-by-blow account of what happens when a joyous family outing almost turns disastrous after Frank is given a new toy boat. First, the boat gets stuck in the middle of the pond, then it nearly sinks when sister Jean stupidly puts her dolly on it for a ride. When Jean starts freaking out, Penny, the dog, reluctantly saves the day. Another good reason to keep abortion legal. The School Bus & You (color): More pedestrian safety tips told by a narrator totally incapable of any human emotion. In a nutshell: get in the bus, get off the bus, and try not to get run over. Magnetism (b&w): Joe uses his magnetism to impress Alice by showing the little ninny his vast collection of magnets and teaching her all about magnetic fields. Joe is a wellspring of magnetic knowledge and this obviously turns Alice on.... Or maybe it's just the metal plate in her head. Our Fire Exit Drill (b&w): When a class screws up a simple fire drill, it's practice, practice, practice for these dimwitted slow pokes until they get it right. The teacher coaches them in the art of being orderly, walking in single file, and standing there like good little soldiers. We're surprised she didn't try setting them on fire. Family Teamwork (color): Dad adores his children, especially big sister Barbara who's so pretty she's the cover girl of Goat Magazine! His family has lots of fun slaving on the farm, entering 4H-Club competitions, and even selling goats to Guam. We especially liked Barbara's long, strong strokes when milking her goats. The Goof (color): Entrepreneurial Ted and Pam raise cute little hamsters and sell them to labs for medical research. They're especially proud of Mr. Brown, their virile stud hamster. But while they like furry animals, they hate an obnoxious red-headed brat named Henry whom they've nicknamed The Goof, especially after he blows a big baseball game. But when The Goof finds the recently-escaped Mr. Brown, they decide to give him the time of day. May they all get rabies. - Miss Busy Bea
Code: SW7657 Genre: MQH Genre2: CQS Retail: $15.00

NEW! Campy Classroom Classics V08
Health: Your Food, Accidents Don't Just Happen, Soap Box Derby USA, Jean and Her Dolls, Say No to Strangers, The ABC of Walking Wisely, The Cautious Twins, How to Protect Your Bike, Your Hair and Scalp
More Rules to Live Life Right By are included in this eighth volume of Campy Classroom Scare Films. Pay attention, take notes, and no talking. Health: Your Food (b&w): Centron once again earns their salt with this slice of surreal puppetry to which mere words can do no justice. Percy stuffs himself on candy and soda, then suffers a sugar-induced hallucination in his bed. An eerie leprechaun named Nute (short for nutrition) promptly arrives and lectures the boy... With his merry band of evil puppets... In rhyme.... Scary says: Would you like some sugar with that LSD? Accidents Don't Just Happen (b&w): Cute but exasperating pseudo-scientific examination of possibly the boringest-ever accident using children's drawings, radiodays-era sound effects, and a group of kiddie actors who could barely pass for totem poles on a good day. Boo. Scary says, Paging Sid Davis! Report to the infirmary! Soap Box Derby USA (color): Fatherless Bo obsesses over constructing the ultimate soap box racer so he can win money for his college scholarship. Which is strange because Bo looks about 6 years old. Even stranger is Dad's ghostly voice reminding Bo that a man is nothing without an education! Look out for PAUL ANKA's hilarious cameo! Scary says: Fizzy cherry-tastic Americana with crunched ice and an umbrella! Jean and Her Dolls (color): Jean and Betty have a doll tea party while combating nagging fears that dolly Beatrice has burnt fingers. But when the dollies have a nap, Jean's sneaky brother, Frank, crayons red measles on dolly Jane's poor face! But Jean's doll-disease trauma is quickly forgotten when Mom insists on an impromptu game of hide and seek.... Scary says, Hello, Dolly, well hello, Dolly... Say No to Strangers (color): After conquering grades 1 through 6 with Dangerous Stranger, Scare-Despot SID DAVIS whips the kindergarten crowd into a frenzy with this junior-stranger scare flick. Scary says, The oft-forgotten soft side of Sid! The ABC of Walking Wisely (color): Another beautifully crafted Sid Davis softie focussing on the rules of walking wisely. Amazingly, this is the second Sid Davis film in this volume in which no one gets as much as a scratch. Scary says, Don't be a J-Walker, be an A-Walker! The Cautious Twins (color): Animated adventures of the perma-grinning Cautious Twins as they avoid all kinds of deadly strangers lurking in cars, bushes, and movie theaters. Obviously, the world is simply crawling with twin-craving creeps. Scary says, Hysterical cartoon terror! How to Protect Your Bike (color): Wacky, out-of-this-world slapstick atrocity from the usually nasty Mr. Davis. Scary says, Sid Davis momentarily apes the Keystone Cops... to no avail! Your Hair and Scalp (color): All about those follicles jutting out of your dermis, complete with some marvelously dated Hair Styles from Hell. Narrated by some British-sounding snot. Scary says, Hair raising! - Scary Ed
Code: SW7727 Genre: MQH Genre2: CQS Retail: $15.00

NEW! Campy Classroom Classics V09
Journey in Time, Exploring the Moon, This is Your Land, Heredity and Environment, Our Magic Land, Behind the Scenes at the Supermarket, Airport Activities
So much to know, so many ways to foul things up. The world is a complicated place but, fortunately, this 9th volume of Campy Classroom Classics explains it all. Pay attention, memorize every fact, and watch out for the Pop Quizzes of Life. Journey in Time (color): The evolutionary history of planet Earth told through photography, slickly-crude animation, and music from Masterpiece Theatre, plays like an early Saturday-morning cartoon. Like around 5:30 Saturday morning. And look, kids, dinosaurs! Scary says, Rocket Robin Hood, where art thou? Exploring the Moon (color): Two old fogies in goofy Nude-on-the-Moon-like spacesuits - DR. C. H. CLEMINSHAW, director of the Griffith Observatory, and ART BAKER (of early TV's You Asked for It!) - get in a spaceship and, through the wonders of technology, fly a 1960-style mission over the moon. Covering the most inane details and studying every lunar pockmark, they explain it all quite scientifically. Scary says, Where's the green cheese? This is Your Land (color): More lecturing on how badly we treat our planet: Yes, it's a good land, America... at least it was! Which would all be terribly depressing if it wasn't for a variety of excellent, almost National-Geographic-calibre photography: Nature's plan and operation in all its violence and beauty! The bottom line: mankind sucks! Scary says, A green party! Heredity and Environment (color): Will you be tall if both your parents are short? Will you be short if both your parents are tall? If this line of questioning appeals to you, it probably did to your parents too. Heredity is explained - but not understood - using corn, horses, humans, and even pigeons as examples. (And the farm setting keeps the subtext of this volume flowing along nicely too.) Scary says, My parents like Scare Films too! Our Magic Land (color): Brought to you by the United States Ministry of the Interior, Our Magic Land stars a carnival magician named The Great Conservo. How's that for subtlety? After some neat party tricks, Conservo's act turns eco-friendly and we get another lecture about abusing Mother Earth. Scary says, Many of us prefer a camera to a gun! Behind the Scenes at the Supermarket (color): Young Johnny is given the full tour of a late-1950's Mayfair supermarket by his daddy-manager and, oh boy, is this exciting: Watch this truck backing in, Johnny! It's bringing some of the food the market will sell! Meat, fruit, vegetables, and canned goods abound, and little Johnny can't get over the profound complexities of selling simple produce. And isn't that meat-cutting room fun! Scary says, Fresh cuts for the pre-school gang! Airport Activities (b&w): American Airlines presents this whopping slice of L. A. airport life from back in the days when flying was a privilege, and men sat in the control tower with binoculars. Oh, to fly the empty skies without concern for air rage, wake vortex, mid-air collisions, metal detectors, or terrorists. Scary says, Airport 1952! - Scary Ed
Code: SW7728 Genre: MQH Genre2: CQS Retail: $15.00

NEW! Campy Classroom Classics V10
The Magic Book, My Milkman, Joe, Citrus, The Golden Fruit, The New Look in Potatoes, Summer on the Farm, Farmer Don and the City, The Four Food Groups, The Zoo
Some of you just haven't been paying attention and risk getting a failing grade in Life. So for all you foul-ups - and those among you who wish to continue doing things right - here's Volume 10 of our Campy Classroom Classics. The Magic Book (color): Animated LSD-style cartoon about a boy and the book he got from the library that starts talking to him: Please turn my pages from the corners instead of the middle! Actually, the boy handles this bizarre event relatively well... until the book gets downright condescending and deserving of some immediate crayon defacement. Sadly, that does not occur. Scary says, T. J. Booker! My Milkman, Joe (color): Wow! Sci-fi-themed nutball Dairy Film for the kids includes 1950's body-snatcher sets, a creepy outer space puppet, a zany electrokeyboard soundtrack, and waaaaay too much information about the day-to-day life of a milkman. Mr. Half-Pint, an alien (hand puppet) from the Milky Way, hangs out with Milkman Joe who visits an elementary school with the creature: A magic trick as smooth as silk will make five glasses full of milk! The very unnatural relationship between Joe and his puppet is, fortunately, only hinted at. Pity the souls that were shown this horror show in pre-school. Scary says, Got milk? Citrus, The Golden Fruit (color): Oranges, lemons, and grapefruits are visually and orally fetishized by narrator MARVIN MILLER who clearly loves his orange drink. Positively overflowing with beautiful prose and photography, this valentine to the joys of citrus is pure 100% entertainment. Scary says, Vitamin C+! The New Look in Potatoes (color): Well, what do you know? Overnight, potatoes are new! Similarly structured as the above Citrus film, this American potato fetish film will have you running out to eat all the variations of our little brown friend with the newly acquired respect and admiration you'll have for this pudgy vegetable. This spud's for you. Scary says, Mashed, and all the better for it! Summer on the Farm (color): Hazy, sun-dried, Kodachrome memories of a summer two kids spend on a farm. And all those animals, crops, and machinery sure look appealing. Best of all is chowing down on those mutant watermelons the farm is growing: How red and juicy it is! Watermelon is a summer treat! Yes, summer is a good time to live on the farm! Scary says, Farm Aid! Farmer Don and the City (color): All those Kentucky Joes gotta pick up feed somewheres, don't they? And they gotta get the moneys out of the bank for the supplies. And they gotta get gun powder. And they also gotta get the fancy stuffs for the Misses. And that's what the city's for. Scary says, Farmer Don drops the bomb! The Four Food Groups (color): Overly ambitious food planning for the kids stresses health tips that not even an adult could possibly follow. Scary says, We want cheeseburgers, thank you very much! The Zoo (color): Tommy and his mother visit the zoo only to discover that all the animals are actually happy to be caged up and scared by humans all day long. Boy, relief there. Scary says, Zoo TV! - Scary Ed
Code: SW7729 Genre: MQH Genre2: CQS Retail: $15.00

NEW! Campy Classroom Classics V11
What Makes Day and Night, Health: Your Cleanliness, The Human Brain, About the Human Body, Polly the Parrot, Mother Mack Trains Her Puppies, Animules, Frank and His Dog, Acts of Courtesy, Measuring Temperature
So many rules, so little time. And this 11th volume of Campy Classroom Classics contains even more rules. Remember, one little screwup and your life is kaput! What Makes Day and Night (b&w): Young Jim and Jane pester dad with all sorts of questions about night and day, so dad takes it upon himself to demonstrate the Earth's movement using a globe. Scenes of post-war bliss illustrate the difference between what happens when it's dark and what happens when it's light. Scary says, It's dark in China right now! Health: Your Cleanliness (b&w): Wash those germs away, kiddies! No matter how smart or strong or good you are, others will not like you if you are dirty! Flush, brush, wash, scrub, rub, and spend quality time in the tub if you want to go far in life. You heard it here first, folks! Scary says, Deep down and dirty! The Human Brain (b&w): Bernard Herrmann-esque strings on the soundtrack accompany a near car accident while the narrator solemnly babbles on about our pulpy mass of cells and fibers. Quite possibly more than you would ever want or need to know about your grey matter, made all the more loony by some weird-ass pop art representing thoughts and ideas. Scary says, The Life of Brain! About the Human Body (color): A colorful little medical picture about a boy's trip to the Doctor's Office where he learns all about the human body and what makes it tick. Scary says, Body art! Polly the Parrot (color): Polly is a loud abrasive parrot who goes on an adventure, angering the cat, and nearly getting eaten by the dog. Includes a fantastic faux Pirate and much squawking. Scary says, Polly wants to crack her! Mother Mack Trains Her Puppies (color): Cutesy-pie doggie drama that almost plays like a dreamy home movie from the 1950's. Mother Mack does indeed train her pups, and the world seems a better place because of it. Scary says, Dog daze! Animules (color): Animules are terribly creepy paper toys that look like animals. Oh dear. This film will teach you how to make them for those days when you really want to freak out a young child. Scary says, Animule instinct! Frank and His Dog (color): Saturday afternoon chores mean that no one can play with Penny the pooch, so the cute little canine goes on a doggie rampage and causes all kinds of trouble. Complete with strange subtitles that don't match with what the narrator is saying and bring unintentional surreality to this pet saga. Scary says, That was weird! [Subtitle: What is he saying?] Acts of Courtesy (b&w): Two rude kids with absolutely no sense of manners are shown annoying all life on the planet in this great slice of Centron Americana. Cutting in front of the water-fountain line, bothering dad when he reads the paper, and buggin' mom while she's making a cake are just some of the uncourteous crimes on display. Scary says, Please and thank you, now get out of my way! Measuring Temperature (b&w): Little Steve learns all about thermometers and the liquid in the tube in this scientific Centron. Scary says, Open wide! Scary Ed
Code: SW7730 Genre: MQH Genre2: CQS Retail: $15.00

NEW! Campy Classroom Classics V12
Water Cycle, Fire, Let's Count, Adventure in Science: The Size of Things, Basic Fibers in Cloth, Let's Measure: Feet, Inches, and Yards, The Meaning of Plus and Minus, Exchanging Greetings and Introductions, Exercise for Happy Living, Good Eating Habits
The planet is spinning out of control, death and destruction are everywhere but, fortunately, there are rules. Let this 12th volume of our Campy Classroom Classics explain it all to you and your life will henceforth be fine... Water Cycle (color): Spooky Christian overtones spice up this love sonnet to water. Don't you know that without water the world would not exist, and man has historically denied water its proper due. Until now! Strangely enough, this film was produced by the Standard Oil Company, presumably before they started polluting the oceans.... Scary says, More watery than American beer! Fire (b&w): A matter of fact discussion about fire which should be compulsory viewing for all you closet pyros.... Scary says, Panda on fire was cool! Let's Count (b&w): Basic counting skills are called upon by Joe and Susie while inspecting chicks at a feed store which opens up a Pandora's Box of non-stop counting possibilities... Scary says, Thank God for calculators! Adventure in Science: The Size of Things (b&w): Using Gulliver's Travels as a starting point, our narrator giddily leads us through increasingly demanding irregularities in size which somehow involve drugged-up mice and cart-pulling beetles. Really. They just don't make adventures like this anymore! Scary says, Dimensions of dementia! Basic Fibers in Cloth (b&w): Home Economics yarn about a group of eager-beaver girls going gaga over fibers. Boys just won't understand this type of girl thang. Scary says, Home voodoo-economics! Let's Measure: Feet, Inches, and Yards (b&w): Jimmy gets to the bottom of all this measuring hoopla by using a ruler to chronicle his growth spurts. Ain't life fun? Scary says, Take us to your Ruler! The Meaning of Plus and Minus (b&w): A meek elementary-school teacher throws out hypothetical situations to her class then asks, Is that a plus or a minus? Oh, if life were only that simple... Scary says, Halfway between a plus and a minus! Exchanging Greetings and Introductions (b&w): Truthful youthful folly from the neo-realists at Centron. Lots of awkward introductions and rude greetings give way to what if I had a second chance-type talk. At the end of the day, Common Courtesy wins out as the narrator drops loads of tips on how to keep a conversation flowing quite nicely, thank you. Scary says, Respect the talk! Exercise for Happy Living (b&w): Not getting picked for the baseball team causes pre-teen Jimmy to re-evaluate his slacker life. That muscles are shown as animated babies pulling a rope inside his arm somehow motivates him to work at being an athlete. Scary says, Wait'll Jim learns about steroids! Good Eating Habits (b&w): As the perfect nuclear family gathers for dinner, something's wrong with little Billy. He's not hungry and, in fact, has a tummy ache. Why? Because the damn brat raced through breakfast, gulped down lunch, and gorged himself on after-school snacks. Yup, he's mistreated his stomach all day long! Scary says, Buuuurrrrrrrrrp! Scary Ed
Code: SW7731 Genre: MQH Genre2: CQS Retail: $15.00

NEW! Campy Classroom Classics V13
This is the Moon, A Day at the Fair, Exploring Your Growth, Skipper Learns a Lesson, Skipper Learns a Lesson, Friction, What Is Science?, The Nature of Energy, What Makes Rain, Chalks and Chalkboards,
Don't be unlucky in the world. Watch this 13th volume of Campy Classroom Classics and learn the secrets to a happy, healthy and, yes, productive life! This is the Moon (b&w): In this educational, made long before man set foot on the moon, we learn that the earth's nearest astronomical neighbor is a source of wonder and pleasure to all who behold it - but, hey, where are the monsters? A Day at the Fair (b&w): The Olson family brings their livestock to the county fair! It's a 4H-Club extravaganza and we get to see displays of fish, butterflies, home canning, fruits, vegetables, and critters galore. As if that weren't exciting enough, the kids see a parade with majorettes and floats, a steeple chase race and, best of all, a thrilling ride on the giant ferris wheel. What a whirlwind day! Exploring Your Growth (b&w) Simple animation and live human beings demonstrate how and why things grow. We discover that we're made up of trillions (!) of living cells, and see a cartoon of how our food is digested and absorbed by churning away in our tubular innards. How lovely. Skipper Learns a Lesson (color): Skipper the dog is a bigot. He won't play with the other dogs in the neighborhood because they look different. In fact, he's downright rude to them... until he gets covered in paint and needs their help. But the other dogs then snub him. Eventually, kids give him a bath and Skipper learns that size, shape, and color doesn't matter but being nice does. Group hug, everyone! Friction (b&w): In case you didn't know, things slide easily on smooth surfaces, but not on rough ones. Amazing, huh? Friction happens when objects rub together, and this can be a good thing or a bad thing depending on who or what is getting rubbed. Of course, Something Weird Video has a number of films where friction is definitely a good thing... though it's not something that can be shown to kiddies. What Is Science? (b&w): Tom and Joan are inquisitive little imps with no adult supervision and way too much time on their hands. They conduct various experiments with jugs of water and even use the stove without permission! Tomorrow we expect they'll be making bombs in their bedroom. The Nature of Energy (b&w): Consider all the different ways energy is used to make an educational film about... energy! From the simple kinetic action of metal balls banging together to the awesome power of atoms splitting, the nature of energy is fully explained. Wowie-wow-wow! What Makes Rain (b&w): Because it's raining, a little boy can't go out and play so, instead, he writes a letter to a weatherman asking why it has to rain. We're then told all about evaporation, condensation, and why laundry dries on a clothesline. If he had asked us, we would've said it's because God hates him. Chalks and Chalkboards (color): Well, who knew? Apparently chalk comes in all types and grades and it's absolutely imperative that you use the right one. The chalkboard is also a good way to humiliate students. And just what does one do about unsightly ghostmarks and oily chalking? This film has all the answers. Now you too can master this obsolete non-subject! Miss Busy Bea
Code: SW7732- Genre: MQH Genre2: CQS Retail: $15.00

Classroom Scare Films V01: Drug Horrors!
Weed, Up Pills Down Pills, Boozers, Keep Off the Grass, Drugs and the Nervous System, Heroin!
During the Great White Suburban Drug Scare of the late sixties / early seventies, parents, educators, and corporate sponsors banded together in an effort to scare American teens away from getting high. It might be argued that the weird and often hysterical propaganda films that emerged from this era created more drug abuse than they prevented. Nevertheless, here's a handful of Classroom Scare Films from a groovy by-gone era that will fascinate and entertain you from beginning to end... This VOLUME begins with Weed (color), a non-biased look at marijuana, complete with timelapse footage of cannabis poking out of the soil and springing forth. Following is Ups / Downs (color) which is all about the wonders of amphetamines and barbiturates. The interview about the drugs' effects with the Adam Duritz/Robert Heges stand-in offers nothing more than a drug-addled mumble, but watch for the Monty Python-esque animation and the scene in which scientists give speed to a spider to see what sort of wacky web it will weave. Boozers and Users (color), an all-inclusive booze-nicotine-pot rant is next, with a leisure-suited narrator introducing such elements as a Marcia Brady-like teenage alkie raiding Mom's purse for apple wine money, an amph addict that looks exactly like Nick Cage in Con Air, and a debate on pot's addictive nature between two stereotypical black construction workers: Man, I hear that marijuana can really mess up yo' head! Hemp is again explored and deplored in Keep off the Grass (color), in which a bald father tries to dissuade his son from lighting up. But all the artists and writers use it! the little boy says in defense. Dad asks him to read all the facts, handing him a special issue of Life, to which the son scoffs, Aw, man, establishment propaganda? To get the true facts, the kid tags along with stoner buddy Mack, who takes him on a tour of a garden pot party, a head shop, and the residence of a psychedelic poster artist named Waco. The effects of household drugs on the brain are painstakingly explained in Drugs and the Nervous System (color) through crappy, line-drawing cartoons. During the section on aspirin, a boy is shown rolling in bed, his face all a-flush with sweat, leading us to believe that either aspirin really works or he's just had the best self-sex of his life. Then at the darkest end of the drug spectrum is the gritty docudrama Scag (color). Spend a day in the depressing lives of Toni and Robby, two strung-out junkies from different sides of the tracks, who candidly explain how they got where they are. You feel like selling your own mother, and would... if someone would buy her. From 16mm devil's-weed prints. Rod Lott, Hitch magazine; Lisa Petrucci, SWV
Code: SW4967 Genre: MQH Genre2: CQS Retail: $15.00

Classroom Scare Films V02: Health Horrors!
VD Truth or Con, VD, Scoliosis, Smoking - It's Your Choice, Alcohol - How Much Is Too Much?, Prevention - Control of Dental Disease, Your Mouth, Drug Use or Abuse!
Find me a single fourth-grader in America who, while watching VD: Truth or Consequences (color), wouldn't giggle upon witnessing a curly-topped boy ask his father, Dad, I've got this strange discharge coming out of my penis. Do you think it could be VD? Hell, see if you don't cringe at the sight of a prepubescent girl being placed in the stirrups for a quick once-over from her dimwit of a doctor, before the widespread advent of rubber gloves! For further discomfort, check out the doctor with the greasy mustache and beard, joyfully discussing hard chancres as if he were talking about his kids. And keep your eyes peeled for ANGIS SCRIMM, the spooky undertaker from those Phantasm movies, as a similarly spooky parent. There's a warning on Scoliosis (color), complete with several unflinching shots of youngsters' uneven backs, appearing more crooked than any Kennedy. Some are so out of whack, they look like Victor Hugo novels waiting to be written. Smoking, It's Your Choice (color) also carries an air of uneasiness, letting a ventriloquist's dummy suck on the sticks. Everyone knows dummies are frightening enough; to see them imitating your decrepit uncle is like planting the seeds of mental instability. Alcohol: How Much Is Too Much? (color) demonstrates booze's intoxicating effects on the body by readily pouring vodka into the tank of a goldfish until the little denizen of the demi-deep is happily swimming in carefree loop-de-loops. Now that's entertainment. Prevention - The Control of Dental Disease (color) and Your Mouth (color) are included, one with an overabundance of saliva and cool X-ray footage of a guy swallowing food, and the other demonstrating how to floss our teeth so thoroughly that the whole process could last well over three hours. Drugs: Use or Abuse (color) features enough foreboding, Dragnet-esque music and painfully slow narration to drive viewers to Percocet. We see a gestapo pharmacist preparing some evil potion, as well as kids at the playground eating pills like candy. From 16mm rash-covered prints. Rod Lott, Hitch magazine
Code: SW4968 Genre: MQH Genre2: CQS Retail: $15.00

Classroom Scare Films V03: More Drug Horrors!
People vs. Pot, The Trip Back, Marijuana Driving and You, Smoky Joe's High Ride, No Smoking, Marijuana the Hidden Danger.
You no doubt remember sitting in grade school, struggling to stay awake as the rickety film projector unspooled one of many god-awful educational shorts the library owned, full of good intentions but bad fashions, with the message always overshadowed by the amateurish acting and the decades-old decor. Now you can recreate those warm memories from the comfort of your own couch with Something Weird Video's extensive and exclusive line of Classroom Scare Films! Wacky tobaccy is targeted as Public Enemy No. 1 in this uproarious collection of six films from the decadent sixties to the just-say-no eighties. The People vs. Pot (b&w) has its own jaunty theme song, sung by a Neil Diamond soundalike: Pot! Pot! Gimme some pot! Forget what you are, you can be what you're not! Pretty soon, you've got servicemen in hypnotic trances, choking on their own vomit. Following is The Trip Back (color), a sermon delivered by a fiftyish ex-dope fiend/whore who happens to be the most annoying Jewish princess ever committed to film. Her tirade to an auditorium of visibly frightened school children seems like one long run-on sentence in which she tries to convince the kids she was fly, ridicules those who dare question her generalizations, and addresses some of the crowd as you Negro girls. Smoky Joe's Highride (color) is about a new video game, the object of which is to get the toke-taking hero and his carpool of pals across town without killing pedestrians. Making extensive use of animation, this is like Reefer Madness for the Pac-Man crowd. In a series of testimonials by clean-cut, drug-addled teens in NYC, The Losers (b&w) start out by sniffing glue and smoking pot, move on to bennies and mainlining smack, and eventually end up in prison or the mental hospital. And the biggest lesson: never, ever put Mr. Rat in a glass cage slathered with airplane glue, he won't be very much fun to play with later. In No Smoking (color), an omniscient voice warns viewers not to suck on those little paper incinerators. Look for the most laughable crotchety-old-man-catches-couch-on-fire-with-cigarette sequence in cinema history. Lastly, Marijuana: The Hidden Danger (color) is a man-on-the-street type of news story, filmed at a time in America when men sported Steve Rubell haircuts and everything was brown. See the crazed Rhesus monkeys! From 16mm pot-headed prints. Rod Lott, Hitch magazine; Lisa Petrucci, SWV
Code: SW5547 Genre: MQH Genre2: CQS Retail: $15.00

Classroom Scare Films V04: Manners, Health, & Safety
Dating Do's and Don'ts, Junior Prom, Getting Ready for School, Safety after School, Safety to School, Traffic Safety, Going Steady!
This gem is kicked off by Dating Do's and Don'ts (b&w), in which young Woody seems vexed in preparing for his first date: Ma! Ma! he yells in his deviated-septum voice, Do we have any cleaning fluid? I've got a spot on my coat! His panicking is for naught, however, as he and Anne have fun at the Hi-Teen Carnival popping balloons with darts and scarfing down cotton candy in record time. Junior Prom (b&w) has two of the oldest-looking high schoolers on record preparing for their big date, Goofus & Gallant-style. Getting Ready for School (b&w) is one of the funniest shorts I've ever seen. Little Ricky has trouble preparing for his day because he's always so tired and mixed-up, demonstrated by shunning arithmetic homework for working a United States jigsaw puzzle. It's not until he gets to spend the night with pal Pete that he learns how to prepare the right way (and evidently, that includes sharing toilet time and showers). Safety After School is next, where three boys learn how to use crosswalks, pick up rakes, and get rid of broken beer bottles. The similar Safely to School details why it takes two kids two hours to walk two blocks to school. These kids stop for cracks on the sidewalk, they're so damn careful! A diorama adds to the fun. Traffic Rules (color) requires each of us to become our own traffic cop. In a cheerfully animated short, we learn it's our own damn fault if we get run over by a car.Playing in the street is dangerous and it's also selfish! Boys and girls who want to be considerate and not get hurt follow the rules. The tape closes with Going Steady (color), the story of a young man who gets hooked on smack after attending a swank party where he wants desperately to get into the pants of some young hussy. After getting blasted with her in the garage, he's having problems stepping off curbs and undergoing major freak-outs as he experiences withdrawal... and all with a super-swingin' soundtrack! From 16mm ultra-cautious prints. Rod Lott, Hitch magazine Lisa Petrucci, SWV
Code: SW6118 Genre: MQH Genre2: CQS Retail: $15.00

Classroom Scare Films V05: Even More Drug Horrors!
Marijuana, Narcotics - The Inside Story, Focus on Heroin, Thinking About Drinking, The PCP Story!
Awwwwww, freak out! Noted Percocet hound SONNY BONO, replete in shiny orange suit, dishes about Marijuana (color) and how its user are cooler than those square and unhip alcoholics. Still, the film illustrates the downsides to grass, such as seeing yourself in a mirror with a spooky monster mask, careening off a cliff, or in the case of one Nigerian pusher executed. You also see a monkey taking bong hits in a lab, which is, quite frankly, priceless. But Narcotics: The Inside Story (color) almost goes one better by showing you a bunch of rats hopped-up on pills, which is far more entertaining than watching the CGI antics of Stuart Little; followed by happy-go-lucky teenagers enjoying a seemingly unrelated beach blanket barbecue featuring a rather milquetoast volleyball game and weenie roast. A sleepy, sweater-clad DAVID HARTMAN narrates Focus on Heroin (color), which addresses that nagging argument that milk leads to heroin use. (Huh?!) After playing a quick round of Spot the Addict, he takes us to the ghetto to rap with some dudes jonesin' for smack. If you're Thinking About Drinking (color), this little film makes it all the more attractive with appealing Colorform-type illustrations. The narrator offers up this fun fact: It takes less alcohol to affect smaller people. Translation: Drink up, fatties! The PCP Story (color) interviews several (ab)users, all of whom look like Aerosmith roadies. One snaggle-toothed chick says she likes the drug because, I can laugh and be goofy. At least it doesn't make her look like Eric Stoltz from Mask, as one user who is interviewed during his trip. He's asked how he feels; he answers with a smile, I'm being photographed! Rounding out this chemical collection are trailers from feature-length scare flicks, including The Pusher, Marijuana, The People Next Door, and Mary Jane, the latter starring (of all people) FABIAN. Hey, if Sonny can do it... From 16mm drug-induced prints. Rod Lott, Hitch magazine
Code: SW6325 Genre: MQH Genre2: CQS Retail: $15.00

Classroom Scare Films V06: Kids in Trouble!
The Strange Ones, The Drop Out, Acting With Maturity, Read the Label and Live, Headed for Trouble!
Listen up, students! It's time for another round of those watch-your-ass short subjects that you only thought were good and gone. Pay attention to this sixth VOLUME of Classroom Scare Films and you just might learn something! Those creepy middle-aged guys with beer bellies and unkempt hair who roam the streets looking for kiddie companions are targeted for ridicule in The Strange Ones (color), SID DAVIS' seventies update on his classic pedophile-pervert child-molester classic, The Dangerous Stranger. After accepting candy and a ride from a stranger, little Karen is filled in by a trusty policewoman about these mentally-ill scavengers, whom she dubs strange ones, but which we all know is a euphemism for guys who want to touch your pee-pee. Karen is warned to not talk to strangers, stay away from restrooms in the park (where she might also inadvertently be exposed to some gay lovin'), or venture through lonely alleyways. Picture Tony Dow with zits and a job at a shoe plant, and you're looking at Robert, the star of the next film, The Drop Out, another gloriously grim exercise in hopelessness from the great Sid Davis. Once an A student but now a poor schmo, this loser is shown wandering aimlessly, as if looking for a clue. He tries to get a decent job but, without schooling, is reduced to working at the local hamburger stand. Worse, Robert takes to wearing a black leather jacket and hanging around the pool hall. He's also interviewed about his educational mistakes by an older man as the two sit in a field. Such a location prompts visions of more personal questions like, Do you ever get that... Y'know, not-so-fresh feeling? Acting with Maturity (color) is a primer on how to control your temper so you don't engage in fisticuffs at the drop of a hat. Through stories of pain and loss can't find a date, can't shoot hoops children are taught that you just don't beat the shit out of someone because you feel like it. (Unless, of course, you're good and drunk.) Read the Label And Live! (color) offers many promising cinematic moments including a woman's head igniting while applying hairspray, a man going up in flames as he paints in the garage, and a girl's face getting singed as she cooks. Too bad these moments are confined to offscreen action; they would've rocked. Then there's Headed for Trouble (b&w), a painfully melodramatic lesson in juvenile delinquency. Follow the juvy-hall exploits of chronic curfew-breaker Mary and teenage hoodlum Bucky after he's just pulled off the biggest job in his career: pilfering the school cafeteria cashbox. And who's that playing one of the snarling JD's? Yup, its JASON MILLER, Father Karras of The Exorcist, prior to joining the priesthood. The only way you could have more school-associated fun is if they started serving screwdrivers at detention. Rod Lott, Hitch magazine
Code: SW6326 Genre: MQH Genre2: CQS Retail: $15.00

Classroom Scare Films V07: Drugs and Beyond!
Narcotics Part I: Goof Balls and Tea (1957, color), Beyond LSD (1967, color), Narcotics: Pit of Despair (1967, color), Marijuana The Great Escape (1968, color), Drug Addiction (1951, b&w)
Jonesing for some more comical tirades against mind-altering substances? Then tie one off and shoot these five shorts directly into your vein... The oddly titled Narcotics Part I: Goof Balls and Tea (1957, color) is a police science film made to show cops what happens when kids get mixed up with chemicals. The goof ball has found a friend, says the narrator as another teen falls victim to the scourge. But this little film is most notable for basically showing you how to harvest your own weed farm, step by step! Such an explanation would have the parents of Beyond LSD (1967, color), in a tizzy. They're seated in a suburban living room, appalled at a film of what they believe is a psychedelic LSD freakout. But Dr. Wright says, Now, let's simmer down, for the film was just an innocent school dance. The doc shuns them for jumping to conclusions, as well as the way they treat their kids. We see one guy berate his son thusly: Dad: I thought I told you to get a haircut! Son: I had to study for the test! Dad: It's always something! Another parent, hearing that shooters wear long-sleeve shirts to cover tracks, sneaks into her son's bedroom at night with a flashlight! One daughter tells her mom she shouldn't knock LSD if she hasn't tried it, to which the matronly woman quips, Well, I don't need syphilis to know I don't want it! Two points for Ma! Narcotics: Pit of Despair (1967, color) equates drugs with being every bit as deadly as a snake. It stars a young KEVIN TIGHE (the poor man's Brian Dennehy, from TV's Emergency!) as John, a chisel-featured collegian who makes the mistake of befriending Pete, the local pusher, complete with werewolf-esque goatee. Pete takes John to what is perhaps the world's only drug party with streamers and balloons. Pete uses booze and floozies to convince John to blast off to kicksville! John looks at his first joint with the same wide-eyed awe as the characters in Jurassic Park did to the sight of dinosaurs, but turns out he smokes like a pro! Pretty soon, it's goodbye, school work and hello, heroin addiction! The young star of Marijuana The Great Escape (1968, color) suffers an ever worse fate. He's a fuzzy-headed drag racer set for his first match behind the wheel. Too bad he gets involved with dope but at least he's kind enough to bail his druggie pals out of jail with his prize money. Shunning the advice of his mentor, George continues puffing so, of course, his story is bound to end in a flaming fireball of death on the racetrack and it does! The crash does not disappoint. Last up is Drug Addiction (1951, b&w), made in the day when jalopy rides were considered fun. Through surreal animation, we see what opiates, marijuana and cocaine do to our bodies. Through outrageous filmed footage, we then see the results namely, junkies hitting kids over the head with 2-by-4s in broad daylight! See Marty fall prey to the habit! See Marty drink pop (and glass!) from a broken bottle! See Marty cut his mouth all up and have a good laugh about it! See Marty rush into the corner store to let loose a dose of drug-induced diarrhea! From 16mm high-and-headed-to-hell prints. Rod Lott, Hitch magazine
Code: SW6365 Genre: MQH Genre2: CQS Retail: $15.00

NEW! Classroom Scare Films V08: Drugs are Bad!
Drug Abuse: The Chemical Tomb, Goof Balls and Tea, Drugs: Use or Abuse, Narcotics and Kids, The Seekers,
We've warned you before and we'll warn you again: Drugs are Bad! Need proof? Check out this 8th Volume of Classroom Scare Films and just say no! Drug Abuse: The Chemical Tomb (color): Hippies dance barefoot while bongs and sitars blare on the soundtrack, and normal American youth are turned into deranged, chemically-fueled addicts. Yup, they're The Turned-On People who risk placing their psyche in peril. Ether, bennies, airplane glue, paint thinner, yellow jackets, red devils, blood reds, rainbows, hashish, acid, and pot - all explained by a Dr. JOHN T. BURROUGHS, Director of Narcotics Education for the Los Angeles District Attorney's Youth Advisory Council. Scary says, Tomb raiders! Goof Balls and Tea (color): Mini-version of the classic Police-Science drug feature The Narcotics Story (also available from Something Weird Video) in which enthusiastic ART GILMORE narrates the sordid story of a sweet young bobby soxer in Small Town U. S. A. who ends up as a Hooker in Heroin Hell by way of goof balls and pot, parental neglect, skilled pimps, and a jones the size of Texas: Hooked! A monkey on her back! Hop head! Junkie! And where, you ask, do those vicious drug peddlers find their innocent victims? Why, at the local soda shop, of course! Flesh for junk never looked so cool. Scary says, Often the introduction comes in the form of a goof ball! Drugs: Use or Abuse (color): Level-headed discussion of the drug problem - a rarity in this genre - still has enough funk-fueled Sixties weirdness to jump start any dying party and make the self-respecting viewer run for his bong. Scary-looking doctors give patients good drugs: These are hands you can trust. But, uh oh, young boys get high on bright red pills, and a young man lies dead across a table after sniffing a tube of airplane glue: Can you trust these drugs?! Scary says, Use it, abuse it! Narcotics and Kids (color): Jaw-dropping classroom terror film featuring two highhaired Sixties-style female ex-junkies who lecture a bunch of kids and answer their dumb-ass questions: Some people say that taking drugs isn't any worse than drinking, like, five martinis. Is that right? Not only do the kids range in age from 6 to 16, but one of the former druggies looks like she's had a few blood reds to ease the awkwardness of the whole scene. Whether this was real or staged is of no consequence - this is the real deal: a Classroom Scare Film with the Midas Touch. Scary says, As good as it gets! The Seekers (color): Classic New-York absurdity follows two goofy-looking former drug abusers chatting in a variety of locations with pretentious college kids who apparently love the sound of their own voice: The whole pot scene is one big game! You experience all these funny colors! I was really scared of girls! Most amusing of all is the chain smoking that goes on throughout the film, all the while getting bummed out about death by narcotics. It's almost impossible to explain the rock-headedness of this production. Sip it and see. Scary says, They call me The Seeker, I've been searching low and high! - Scary Ed
Code: SW7744 Genre: MQH Genre2: CQS Retail: $15.00

Sex Education Films Of The 40s
Dating Dos and Donts, Social Sex Attitudes in Adolescence, Know For Sure Breaking the Evil Chain of Syphillis, and USS-VD: Ship of Shame.

Code: DVT2771 Genre: MQH Genre2: CQS Retail: $19.99

Societys Menace
VD: See Your Doctor, Know For Sure, and Social Sex Attitude in Adolescents
Compilation of educational, sex-oriented films from the 1950s
Code: DVT1279 Genre: MQH Genre2: CQS Retail: $19.99